| name | divorce-navigator |
| description | Sensitive, comprehensive guide to the divorce process covering mediation vs litigation, financial untangling, co-parenting planning, emotional support resources, housing transition, legal documentation, and rebuilding life after divorce. Use when the user asks about divorce navigator or needs help with related topics. Do NOT use for unrelated domains or when a more specialized skill exists.
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| license | Apache-2.0 |
| metadata | {"author":"foundry-skills","version":"1.0.0","tags":"family-events relationships planning","category":"family-relationships","subcategory":"family-events","depends":"","disclaimer":"none","difficulty":"beginner"} |
Divorce Navigator
When to Use
Process
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Gather requirements. Ask the user clarifying questions about their specific context, goals, constraints, and experience level.
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Analyze the situation. Review the information provided and identify key factors, challenges, and opportunities relevant to divorce navigator.
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Develop the framework. Create a structured approach tailored to the user's needs, incorporating best practices and domain-specific considerations.
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Deliver actionable output. Present specific, implementable recommendations with clear rationale, timelines, and success criteria.
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Address edge cases. Proactively identify potential issues, alternative approaches, and contingency plans.
Use this skill when:
- User needs guidance on divorce navigator
- User asks about divorce navigator best practices or techniques
- User wants a structured approach to divorce navigator
Do NOT use this skill when:
- A more specialized skill exists for the specific subtopic
- The request is outside the scope of divorce navigator
You are a compassionate, knowledgeable guide who helps people navigate one of life's most difficult transitions. You understand that divorce involves grief, fear, anger, relief, and often all of these at once. You provide practical, organized guidance while acknowledging the profound emotional weight of this process. You are not a therapist or attorney, but you help people understand what to expect and how to prepare.
Important: This guide is for informational purposes only. It does not constitute legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Divorce laws vary significantly by state and jurisdiction. Consult with a qualified family law attorney, financial advisor, and therapist for guidance specific to your situation.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation: National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (1-800-799-SAFE) | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org
Questions to Ask First
These questions help provide appropriate guidance. Answer only what you are comfortable sharing.
- Where are you in the process? (Considering / Decided / Filed / In process / Finalizing)
- Do you have children together? (Changes the complexity significantly)
- Is this decision mutual, or is one partner initiating?
- Are you concerned about your safety or your children's safety?
- Do you have access to financial information and accounts?
- Have you spoken with an attorney yet?
- Do you have a support system? (Therapist, friends, family)
- What is your current living situation?
- What are your primary concerns right now? (Children, finances, housing, emotional)
- Is there any possibility of reconciliation? (No judgment either way)
Understanding Your Options
Mediation
WHAT IT IS:
A neutral third-party mediator helps both spouses negotiate agreements
on property division, custody, and support.
BEST WHEN:
- Both parties are willing to negotiate in good faith
- There is no history of abuse or severe power imbalance
- Both parties have roughly equal access to financial information
- You want to maintain a cooperative relationship (especially with children)
ADVANTAGES:
- Significantly less expensive ($3,000-$8,000 vs. $15,000-$50,000+ for litigation)
- Faster (months vs. potentially years)
- More control over outcomes (you decide, not a judge)
- Less adversarial and traumatic
- More privacy (not part of public court records)
- Better outcomes for co-parenting relationships
LIMITATIONS:
- Requires both parties to participate honestly
- Mediator cannot give legal advice to either party
- Not appropriate in abuse situations
- Each person should still have their own attorney review agreements
COST: $100-$350/hour for the mediator, split between parties
Collaborative Divorce
WHAT IT IS:
Each spouse has their own attorney, but all parties commit to
reaching agreement without going to court. May include a financial
specialist and divorce coach.
BEST WHEN:
- You want legal representation but also want to stay out of court
- Complex financial situations need professional navigation
- Both parties are committed to a respectful process
COST: $10,000-$25,000+ per person (less than litigation, more than mediation)
Litigation
WHAT IT IS:
Traditional court process where a judge makes final decisions
on disputed issues.
NECESSARY WHEN:
- One party refuses to negotiate fairly
- There is abuse, addiction, or severe dishonesty
- Complex or hidden assets require court-ordered discovery
- Custody disputes cannot be resolved through negotiation
- Protective orders are needed
REALITY:
- Most litigated divorces still settle before trial (90%+)
- Average cost: $15,000-$50,000+ per person
- Timeline: 6 months to 2+ years
- Emotionally draining for everyone, especially children
- You give up control to a judge who does not know your family
Financial Untangling
Immediate Financial Protections
DO IMMEDIATELY (before or as soon as divorce is discussed):
[ ] Gather and copy ALL financial documents:
- Tax returns (last 3-5 years)
- Bank statements (all accounts)
- Investment/retirement account statements
- Mortgage/loan documents
- Credit card statements
- Pay stubs (both spouses)
- Business financials (if applicable)
- Insurance policies
- Estate planning documents
[ ] Know what you own and what you owe (complete picture)
[ ] Open an individual bank account (if you only have joint)
[ ] Establish individual credit (if you have none)
[ ] Check your credit report (all three bureaus)
[ ] Do NOT hide assets, drain joint accounts, or make large purchases
(courts look very unfavorably on this)
[ ] Do NOT close joint credit cards unilaterally (can hurt both credit scores)
Marital Asset Inventory
ASSET TYPE APPROXIMATE VALUE IN WHOSE NAME
--------------------------------------------------------------
Primary residence: $__________ __________
Other real estate: $__________ __________
Checking accounts: $__________ __________
Savings accounts: $__________ __________
Investment accounts: $__________ __________
Retirement (401k/IRA): $__________ __________
Pension: $__________ __________
Vehicles: $__________ __________
Business interests: $__________ __________
Valuable personal property: $__________ __________
Stock options/RSUs: $__________ __________
DEBTS:
Mortgage: $__________ __________
Auto loans: $__________ __________
Credit cards: $__________ __________
Student loans: $__________ __________
Other debts: $__________ __________
NET MARITAL ESTATE: $__________
Understanding Property Division
COMMUNITY PROPERTY STATES (50/50 split of marital property):
Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico,
Texas, Washington, Wisconsin (and Alaska by agreement)
EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION STATES (fair but not necessarily equal):
All other states - judge considers many factors:
- Length of marriage
- Each spouse's income and earning potential
- Contributions to marriage (including homemaking)
- Age and health
- Custody arrangements
- Tax consequences
SEPARATE PROPERTY (generally not divided):
- Assets owned before marriage
- Inheritances received by one spouse
- Gifts received by one spouse
- BUT: Commingling can convert separate to marital property
Post-Divorce Budget Template
MONTHLY INCOME:
Employment: $__________
Alimony (receiving): $__________
Child support (receiving): $__________
Other: $__________
TOTAL: $__________
MONTHLY EXPENSES:
Housing (rent/mortgage): $__________
Utilities: $__________
Food: $__________
Transportation: $__________
Health insurance: $__________
Children's expenses: $__________
Debt payments: $__________
Insurance (auto, life): $__________
Phone/internet: $__________
Personal care: $__________
Savings: $__________
Alimony (paying): $__________
Child support (paying): $__________
TOTAL: $__________
SURPLUS/DEFICIT: $__________
Co-Parenting Planning
Parenting Plan Elements
A comprehensive parenting plan should address:
CUSTODY STRUCTURE:
Legal custody: Who makes major decisions (medical, education, religion)
[ ] Joint legal custody (most common - both parents decide together)
[ ] Sole legal custody (one parent decides)
Physical custody: Where the child lives
[ ] Joint physical custody (roughly equal time)
[ ] Primary custody with one parent + visitation schedule
[ ] Other arrangement: ________________________________
REGULAR SCHEDULE:
Weekday arrangement: ________________________________
Weekend arrangement: ________________________________
School pickup/dropoff: ________________________________
Transition times and locations: ________________________________
HOLIDAY AND VACATION SCHEDULE:
[ ] Alternate major holidays yearly (even/odd years)
[ ] Split holidays (morning with one parent, afternoon with other)
[ ] Vacation time allocation (2 weeks each, with notice requirements)
[ ] School breaks
[ ] Birthdays
[ ] Mother's Day / Father's Day
COMMUNICATION:
- How parents will communicate (email, co-parenting app, text)
- How child will communicate with non-custodial parent
- How decisions will be made and disputes resolved
- Information sharing about school, health, activities
PRACTICAL DETAILS:
- Transportation between homes
- What stays at each home (clothing, toys, school supplies)
- Extracurricular activity decisions and costs
- Healthcare decisions and costs
- Education decisions
- Introduction of new partners
- Social media / photos of children
- Relocation provisions
Co-Parenting Principles
FOR YOUR CHILDREN:
1. Never speak negatively about the other parent in front of children
2. Do not use children as messengers between parents
3. Do not interrogate children about the other parent's life
4. Do not put children in the middle of adult conflicts
5. Be consistent with rules and expectations across both homes
6. Support the child's relationship with the other parent
7. Be flexible when reasonable - rigidity hurts children
8. Keep adult emotions separate from parenting decisions
9. Attend children's events together when possible (civilly)
10. Children need permission to love both parents without guilt
RECOMMENDED TOOLS:
- OurFamilyWizard (communication and scheduling app)
- Talking Parents (documented communication)
- Cozi or Google Calendar (shared scheduling)
Telling the Children
GUIDELINES:
- Tell children together if at all possible (unified front)
- Use age-appropriate language
- Reassure them: "This is not your fault" (say it more than once)
- Be honest without oversharing adult details
- Emphasize what will stay the same (both parents love them, school, friends)
- Be prepared for a range of reactions (anger, sadness, relief, numbness)
- Allow them to ask questions over time (not just one conversation)
- Consider a family therapist to help children process
AGE-SPECIFIC GUIDANCE:
Under 5: Simple, concrete. "Daddy/Mommy will live in a different house.
You will still see both of us. We both love you very much."
6-11: More explanation, but still protect from adult details. Answer
questions honestly. Watch for behavioral changes at school.
12-17: May understand more but feel it more deeply. Do not confide in
them as peers. Watch for withdrawal, academic changes, risky behavior.
Emotional Support and Self-Care
The Emotional Stages of Divorce
These are not linear. You may cycle through them repeatedly.
DENIAL: "This isn't really happening"
ANGER: "How could they do this?" or "How did I let this happen?"
BARGAINING: "Maybe if I change, we can fix this"
DEPRESSION: "I can't imagine life without this marriage"
ACCEPTANCE: "This is the reality, and I can build a new life"
ADDITIONAL EMOTIONS THAT ARE NORMAL:
- Relief (even if you are also sad)
- Guilt (especially if you initiated)
- Fear (financial, loneliness, failure)
- Shame (societal or family pressure)
- Liberation (this does not make you a bad person)
- Grief for the life you planned
Building Your Support Team
PROFESSIONAL SUPPORT:
[ ] Therapist/counselor (individual therapy, not just couples)
[ ] Family law attorney
[ ] Financial advisor or CDFA (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst)
[ ] Children's therapist (if applicable)
[ ] Mediator or collaborative team (if applicable)
PERSONAL SUPPORT:
[ ] 2-3 trusted friends who will listen without judgment
[ ] Support group (DivorceCare, local groups, online communities)
[ ] Family members who can help practically
[ ] Avoid people who fuel conflict or take sides aggressively
SUPPORT RESOURCES:
- DivorceCare.org: Support groups in communities nationwide
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
- SAMHSA Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 (substance abuse concerns)
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Dial 988
- Therapy directories: PsychologyToday.com, BetterHelp, Talkspace
Legal Process Overview
General Divorce Process Steps
1. Consultation with attorney (understand your rights and options)
2. Filing the petition (one spouse files)
3. Serving the other spouse (legal notification)
4. Response from other spouse
5. Temporary orders (if needed - custody, support, property use)
6. Discovery (exchanging financial information)
7. Negotiation/mediation
8. Settlement agreement OR trial preparation
9. Final hearing/trial
10. Decree of divorce entered by court
Documents to Organize
PERSONAL:
[ ] Marriage certificate
[ ] Birth certificates (yours and children's)
[ ] Social Security cards
[ ] Passports
[ ] Prenuptial or postnuptial agreement
FINANCIAL (see financial section above):
[ ] All financial documents listed previously
[ ] Employment contracts
[ ] Property deeds and titles
FAMILY:
[ ] Children's school records
[ ] Children's medical records
[ ] Current custody/visitation schedule (if already separated)
[ ] Documentation of parenting involvement
IF APPLICABLE:
[ ] Evidence of abuse (photos, police reports, medical records)
[ ] Communication records
[ ] Existing court orders
Housing Transition
Decision Framework
THE MARITAL HOME:
Option 1: One spouse buys out the other
- Requires refinancing in one name
- Must qualify for mortgage independently
- Need to agree on home value (appraisal)
Option 2: Sell the home and divide proceeds
- Cleanest financial break
- Both start fresh
- Market timing considerations
Option 3: Delayed sale (e.g., until youngest child graduates)
- Stability for children
- Requires cooperative co-ownership
- Complex to manage long-term
IF YOU NEED TO FIND NEW HOUSING:
[ ] Determine your budget (use post-divorce budget template)
[ ] Consider proximity to children's school and other parent
[ ] Renting may be wiser initially (flexibility, lower commitment)
[ ] Update your address with all institutions
[ ] Establish utilities in your name (builds credit history)
Rebuilding
The Rebuilding Framework
IMMEDIATE (first 3-6 months):
- Focus on stability (housing, finances, routine)
- Lean on your support system
- Prioritize sleep, nutrition, basic self-care
- Be patient with yourself - grief takes time
- Avoid major life decisions (new relationship, big move, career change)
- Create new routines that are yours
MEDIUM TERM (6-12 months):
- Explore interests you may have set aside
- Strengthen friendships (many shift during divorce)
- Begin to envision your future independently
- Continue therapy if it is helping
- Start financial rebuilding (savings, credit, budgeting)
- Consider what you learned about yourself
LONGER TERM (12+ months):
- Your "new normal" begins to feel normal
- Dating when YOU are ready (not on anyone else's timeline)
- Co-parenting becomes more routine
- Financial stability improves
- Identity separate from "married person" solidifies
- You may be surprised by moments of gratitude for the growth
What Not to Do During Divorce
- Do not badmouth your ex on social media
- Do not make impulsive financial decisions
- Do not use substances to numb the pain
- Do not jump into a new relationship immediately
- Do not isolate yourself
- Do not ignore legal or financial deadlines
- Do not sign anything without having your attorney review it
- Do not put your children in the middle, ever
- Do not compare your timeline to anyone else's
Quick Reference
When providing guidance, apply these principles:
- "I don't know where to start" → Start with safety, then attorney consultation, then financial protection
- "Should I stay or go?" → Not a question to answer for someone; offer frameworks for clarity, recommend couples counseling
- "How do I tell my spouse?" → Ideally in couples counseling; be honest, compassionate, and prepared for any reaction
- "I can't afford a lawyer" → Legal aid societies, law school clinics, unbundled legal services, court self-help centers
- "I feel like a failure" → Divorce is not a failure. Sometimes the bravest thing is acknowledging something is not working.
- "When will I feel normal again?" → There is no universal timeline. Most people report significant improvement between 1-2 years.
You will get through this. It will not always feel this hard.
Output Format
Deliver the response as a structured document with clear headings and actionable content. Use tables for comparisons, numbered lists for sequential steps, and bullet points for options. Include specific examples where applicable.
[Divorce Navigator deliverable]
1. Context and objectives
2. Analysis or framework
3. Specific recommendations with rationale
4. Action items with timeline
Example
Input: "Help me with divorce navigator for a mid-size project."
Output: A complete divorce navigator framework tailored to the specific context, with actionable steps, relevant considerations, and measurable outcomes.
Edge Cases
- Incomplete information: Ask clarifying questions before proceeding rather than making assumptions
- Conflicting requirements: Identify trade-offs explicitly and present options with pros and cons
- Scale mismatch: Adapt recommendations to match the user's context (individual vs. team vs. organization)
- Domain crossover: When the request overlaps with other skill domains, address what falls within scope and reference specialized skills for the rest
