coaching-skills

name	coaching-skills
description	Use when training managers in coaching skills — covers GROW, listening, asking vs. telling, and growth mindset framing.

Coaching Skills

What Coaching Is

Coaching is helping someone reach their own conclusions through questions and structured reflection — distinct from advising (telling them what to do), mentoring (sharing your experience), or directing (assigning tasks).

Most managers default to advising / directing. Coaching is a separate skill that requires practice.

When to Coach vs. Advise

Coach when:

• The person has the knowledge or capability; they need to think it through
• The decision is theirs to make (their work, their career, their team)
• They'll learn more from finding the answer than from receiving it
• The situation isn't urgent

Advise / direct when:

• The person doesn't have the knowledge; they need information
• Time pressure is real
• The decision is yours (the manager's), not theirs
• Stakes are high enough that experimentation is costly

A manager who only coaches frustrates direct reports who need expertise. A manager who only advises stunts development.

GROW Model (Whitmore)

A simple coaching frame:

• Goal: What do you want? Specifically? By when?
• Reality: What's the current state? What's the data?
• Options: What are the possible paths? What else? What if there were no constraints?
• Will (or Way Forward): What will you do? When? What support do you need?

Not a script — a structure for the conversation.

Listening as the Core Skill

Most coaching failure is failure to listen. Specifically:

• Listening to respond vs. listening to understand: most people do the first
• Active listening: reflecting back, asking clarifying questions, naming feelings
• Silence: not filling pauses; letting the other person think
• Curiosity over solution: assume there's more under the surface

The discipline: ask 3 questions before offering any advice.

Powerful Questions

Great coaching questions are:

• Open (not yes/no)
• Single-focused (not multi-part)
• Curious (not leading)
• Forward (not interrogating the past)

Examples:

• "What does success look like for you?"
• "What's the underlying question here?"
• "What are you not saying?"
• "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?"
• "Whose voice in your head is telling you that?"
• "What's the smallest next step?"
• "What support do you need from me?"

Avoid:

• "Have you tried..." (advice in disguise)
• "Don't you think..." (leading)
• "Why did you...?" (interrogating, often defensive-triggering)
• Multiple questions at once

Growth Mindset Framing

Carol Dweck's research: people with a growth mindset (abilities can be developed) outperform people with a fixed mindset (abilities are static), especially under challenge.

In coaching:

• Frame development as learning, not innate capacity
• Praise effort, strategy, and progress, not just outcomes ("you worked on this consistently") more than ("you're so smart")
• Treat mistakes as data, not as identity statements
• Distinguish "yet": "you don't know that yet" vs. "you don't know that"

Coaching for Difficult Situations

When the report is stuck

• Resist solving. Ask: what have you tried? What haven't you tried? What would you tell a friend in this situation?

When the report is upset

• Acknowledge feelings before solving: "That sounds frustrating."
• Don't rush past emotion. Let it land.
• Ask permission before pivoting: "Do you want to talk through it, or are you looking for help thinking about what to do?"

When the report wants you to decide for them

• Sometimes appropriate (low information, urgent). Often a development opportunity.
• "I'm happy to share my view. What's your read first?"
• "What would you do if you were certain I'd back the decision?"

Feedback During Coaching

Coaching and feedback are different but related. In a coaching conversation:

• Feedback can be invited ("can I share what I'm noticing?")
• Feedback can be solicited (the report asks)
• Avoid converting coaching to evaluation

Common Failures

• Telling disguised as asking: "Don't you think you should...?"
• Coaching when expertise is needed: frustrating for reports
• Advice-only: stunts development
• Silence-anxiety: filling pauses
• Multiple questions at once: overwhelming
• Coaching the symptom, not the cause: the surface issue is rarely the real one
• Skipping the relationship: coaching requires trust as the precondition

Manager Training

Suggested module:

1. Coach vs. advise vs. direct (when each)
2. Listening practice (paired role-play)
3. GROW model walkthrough
4. Powerful questions inventory
5. Growth mindset framing
6. Practice with peer feedback
7. When coaching isn't enough (escalation, urgency, capability gap)

Cross-References

• manager-enablement-coach agent
• feedback-frameworks skill
• one-on-ones skill
• executive-coach agent

Key References

• Whitmore, J. (1992/2017). Coaching for Performance.
• Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset.
• Bungay Stanier, M. (2016). The Coaching Habit.
• Goldsmith, M. (2007). What Got You Here Won't Get You There.