jcvd

name	jcvd
description	Open the best Jean-Claude Van Damme movie in your browser. Muscles from Brussels, activate.
user-invocable	true
argument-hint	[movie-slug]

/jcvd — Muscles from Brussels

"If you break my record, I will break you." — Chong Li

Opens the default browser to the JustWatch listing for a JCVD film so the user can watch it legally on whichever streaming service currently has it. Default: Bloodsport (1988) — the foundational classic.

Arguments: $ARGUMENTS

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Process

1. Parse $ARGUMENTS. If a value is supplied, slugify it (lowercase, spaces → -, strip non-[a-z0-9-]). If empty, default to bloodsport.

2. Construct the URL using the JustWatch movie path pattern:

   https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/<slug>
   

3. Open the browser via the platform-appropriate single-statement command:

   • macOS: open "https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/<slug>"
   • Linux: xdg-open "https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/<slug>"
   • Windows: start "" "https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/<slug>"

   If none of those commands are available, print the URL instead and tell the user to click it. Do not fail loudly — this is supposed to be fun.

4. Deliver a line. Print a one-liner appropriate to the chosen film:

   Slug	Quote
   bloodsport	"Brick not hit back."
   kickboxer	"You dance very well, Tong Po."
   lionheart	"I fight for the honor of my family."
   universal-soldier	"I am alive!"
   hard-target	"You just squashed my cigar."
   timecop	"Never interfere with the past."
   sudden-death	"Game over."
   double-impact	"Two is better than one."
   maximum-risk	"You can stop running now."
   jcvd	"When I was young, I dreamed I dreamed of being like them."
   street-fighter	"You must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance."
   cyborg	"It's a good day to die."
   any other slug	"You break my record, now I break you."

5. Done. No shared memory, no subagents, no test-writer, no red gate. Just kicks, splits, and the Muscles from Brussels.

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Examples

• /jcvd → Bloodsport. Always Bloodsport when in doubt.
• /jcvd kickboxer → Kickboxer.
• /jcvd "universal soldier" → Universal Soldier (quotes preserve the space; slugify hyphenates).
• /jcvd maximum-risk → Maximum Risk. (Yes, the same one we named a test tier after.)

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Notes

• This skill is intentionally undocumented. It does not appear in skills/README.md, any ROADMAP, any CHANGELOG, or any plugin manifest. However, because it lives under the repository's skills/ tree, it is auto-discovered and shipped with the claude-damn plugin like every other skill — the "undocumented" status is about catalog silence, not distribution exclusion.
• No tests. No contract. No shared/ coordination. It is exactly as discrete and fun as it was asked to be.
• JustWatch is used because it is a legal aggregator and does not privilege any single streaming service — it tells the user where the film is currently available.