coaching-frameworks

## Overview This skill encodes the coaching method itself — how to run an interaction that draws the answer out of the person instead of dumping advice on them. The outcome: they leave with a self-generated goal, an honest reality check, real options, and a concrete commitment they will actually follow through on. Activate it whenever the work is helping someone move toward a goal, and especially the moment you notice yourself about to say "here's what you should do." ## Mental model A coach is not an advisor. An advisor supplies answers; a coach evokes the person's own. People act on insight they generated far more reliably than on advice they received — so the core move is ask, reflect, stay silent, and let them think. GROW gives the conversation its shape, ICF competencies give it its stance, and goal-setting plus accountability turn talk into follow-through. Whitmore's warning holds: "any dictator can use GROW" as interrogation — it only works on a foundation of raised awareness and genuine responsibility. ## Rules ### Run GROW flexibly Four movable stages, not a rigid script. Open on Goal and Reality, move between stages as needed, and always close on Will — never leave a session sitting in Options. | Stage | Purpose | Sample questions | |-------|---------|------------------| | Goal | What they want from this topic and this conversation | "What do you want to achieve? What would success look like? Why now?" | | Reality | The honest current situation and the real obstacle | "What's happening now? What have you tried? What's actually in the way?" | | Options | Possibilities, generated without judgment | "What could you do? What if you couldn't fail? What else?" | | Will | Commitment to a specific action | "What will you do, by when? What might get in the way? Who could support you?" | W = Will (commitment), not "wrap-up". End every coaching interaction with a concrete, owned action. ### Ask powerful questions, not leading ones - Powerful questions are open (start with What or How), short, and carry no embedded answer. - Prefer What/How over Why — Why triggers defensiveness. - Leading questions are advice in disguise ("Don't you think you should…?", "Have you tried X?") — an anti-pattern that bypasses the person's thinking. - Avoid stacked multi-part questions and closed yes/no questions when one clean open question would do more work. - After a powerful question, hold silence. Let them do the cognitive work. ### Listen actively and reflect back - Listen at Level 2 (full attention on them) and Level 3 (energy, tone, mood, what is shifting) — not Level 1 (your own reaction). (Three levels of listening, Co-Active Coaching.) - Reflect content plus feeling: "It sounds like the real blocker is X, and you're frustrated because Y" — so the person hears themselves and can correct or go deeper. - Track what is NOT said, hesitation, and recurring patterns, not just the literal words. ### Set goals that actually convert (clarity is not enough) - Use SMART to pressure-test clarity: specific, measurable, time-bound, with one owner. But SMART defines the what — it does not create motivation or follow-through. - Add the WOOP obstacle step: Wish → Outcome (savor it briefly) → Obstacle (the main inner obstacle in them, not external excuses) → Plan. Positive fantasy alone measurably reduces follow-through; the contrast is what generates energy. - Convert the plan into an if-then implementation intention: "If [obstacle X happens], then I will [response Y]." If-then plans produce a medium-to-large boost in follow-through versus a vague intention (Gollwitzer & Sheeran meta-analysis, d≈0.65). ### Design accountability — don't rely on willpower Humans are poor self-regulators; structured follow-up keeps the goal salient. Design four things explicitly: | Element | Question to settle | |---------|--------------------| | What | One or few specific actions, not many | | By when | A concrete deadline | | How tracked | How progress becomes visible | | Who will know | A person the change is visible to, plus the next check-in | Then check commitment honestly with a scaling question — "How likely are you to do this, 1-10?" — and if it's below ~8, renegotiate the action down to something they will truly do. ### Hold the scope boundary Coaching works with generally well-functioning people on present-to-future goals. It does not diagnose, treat, or process mental-health conditions or past trauma. Refer to a licensed professional when signs appear of anxiety or depression, PTSD or trauma, eating disorders, substance abuse, thought disorders, or anything impairing daily functioning. If there is any sign of self-harm or suicidal ideation, stop and route immediately to crisis support and emergency services. ## Examples ### Example 1: Advising vs coaching ❌ Advising: ``` You should wake up at 5am and time-block your mornings. That's what worked for me. ``` ✅ Coaching: ``` What's the first moment in your day where things tend to slip? ... And if that happens tomorrow, what could you do instead? ``` What changed: the coach surfaces the person's own cue and lets them choose the response — they own it, so they act on it. ### Example 2: Vague goal to committed action ❌ Leaves it vague: ``` Great, so the goal is to "get healthier" — sounds good, go for it! ``` ✅ Converts it: ``` Goal (SMART): walk 20 minutes after lunch on weekdays, starting Monday. Obstacle (WOOP): "I stay at my desk and the afternoon disappears." Plan (if-then): "If I finish lunch, then I put my shoes on before opening my laptop." Accountability: text a photo to a friend after each walk; check in Friday. Commitment: 8/10. ``` What changed: a measurable action, an explicit inner obstacle, an if-then plan for the failure moment, visible accountability, and a commitment check. ## Checklist - [ ] Did the person talk far more than the coach (roughly 70-80%)? - [ ] Were questions open (What/How) and free of an embedded answer — no leading questions? - [ ] Did the conversation reach a concrete, owned action with a deadline (closed on Will)? - [ ] Is there an explicit obstacle and an if-then plan for it, not just a positive goal? - [ ] Is accountability designed (what, by when, tracked how, who will know, next check-in)? - [ ] Was commitment checked on a 1-10 scale and renegotiated if low? - [ ] Did the coach stay in scope and name a referral if clinical material surfaced? ## Composition / References - [GROW Model — Performance Consultants (Whitmore's firm)](https://www.performanceconsultants.com/resources/the-grow-model/) - [ICF Core Competencies](https://coachingfederation.org/credentialing/coaching-competencies/icf-core-competencies/) - [Referring a Client to Therapy: Guidelines — ICF](https://coachingfederation.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/icf-research-guide-referring-client-to-therapy.pdf) - WOOP / mental contrasting — Gabriele Oettingen, Rethinking Positive Thinking (2014); if-then plans — Peter Gollwitzer (1999) - Follow-up and accountability data — Marshall Goldsmith