coaching-skills

# Coaching Skills ## What Coaching Is Coaching is helping someone reach their own conclusions through questions and structured reflection — distinct from advising (telling them what to do), mentoring (sharing your experience), or directing (assigning tasks). Most managers default to advising / directing. Coaching is a separate skill that requires practice. ## When to Coach vs. Advise **Coach** when: - The person has the knowledge or capability; they need to think it through - The decision is theirs to make (their work, their career, their team) - They'll learn more from finding the answer than from receiving it - The situation isn't urgent **Advise / direct** when: - The person doesn't have the knowledge; they need information - Time pressure is real - The decision is yours (the manager's), not theirs - Stakes are high enough that experimentation is costly A manager who only coaches frustrates direct reports who need expertise. A manager who only advises stunts development. ## GROW Model (Whitmore) A simple coaching frame: - **G**oal: What do you want? Specifically? By when? - **R**eality: What's the current state? What's the data? - **O**ptions: What are the possible paths? What else? What if there were no constraints? - **W**ill (or Way Forward): What will you do? When? What support do you need? Not a script — a structure for the conversation. ## Listening as the Core Skill Most coaching failure is failure to listen. Specifically: - **Listening to respond** vs. **listening to understand**: most people do the first - **Active listening**: reflecting back, asking clarifying questions, naming feelings - **Silence**: not filling pauses; letting the other person think - **Curiosity over solution**: assume there's more under the surface The discipline: ask 3 questions before offering any advice. ## Powerful Questions Great coaching questions are: - **Open** (not yes/no) - **Single-focused** (not multi-part) - **Curious** (not leading) - **Forward** (not interrogating the past) Examples: - "What does success look like for you?" - "What's the underlying question here?" - "What are you not saying?" - "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?" - "Whose voice in your head is telling you that?" - "What's the smallest next step?" - "What support do you need from me?" Avoid: - "Have you tried..." (advice in disguise) - "Don't you think..." (leading) - "Why did you...?" (interrogating, often defensive-triggering) - Multiple questions at once ## Growth Mindset Framing Carol Dweck's research: people with a growth mindset (abilities can be developed) outperform people with a fixed mindset (abilities are static), especially under challenge. In coaching: - **Frame development as learning**, not innate capacity - **Praise effort, strategy, and progress**, not just outcomes ("you worked on this consistently") more than ("you're so smart") - **Treat mistakes as data**, not as identity statements - **Distinguish "yet"**: "you don't know that yet" vs. "you don't know that" ## Coaching for Difficult Situations ### When the report is stuck - Resist solving. Ask: what have you tried? What haven't you tried? What would you tell a friend in this situation? ### When the report is upset - Acknowledge feelings before solving: "That sounds frustrating." - Don't rush past emotion. Let it land. - Ask permission before pivoting: "Do you want to talk through it, or are you looking for help thinking about what to do?" ### When the report wants you to decide for them - Sometimes appropriate (low information, urgent). Often a development opportunity. - "I'm happy to share my view. What's your read first?" - "What would you do if you were certain I'd back the decision?" ## Feedback During Coaching Coaching and feedback are different but related. In a coaching conversation: - Feedback can be invited ("can I share what I'm noticing?") - Feedback can be solicited (the report asks) - Avoid converting coaching to evaluation ## Common Failures - **Telling disguised as asking**: "Don't you think you should...?" - **Coaching when expertise is needed**: frustrating for reports - **Advice-only**: stunts development - **Silence-anxiety**: filling pauses - **Multiple questions at once**: overwhelming - **Coaching the symptom, not the cause**: the surface issue is rarely the real one - **Skipping the relationship**: coaching requires trust as the precondition ## Manager Training Suggested module: 1. Coach vs. advise vs. direct (when each) 2. Listening practice (paired role-play) 3. GROW model walkthrough 4. Powerful questions inventory 5. Growth mindset framing 6. Practice with peer feedback 7. When coaching isn't enough (escalation, urgency, capability gap) ## Cross-References - `manager-enablement-coach` agent - `feedback-frameworks` skill - `one-on-ones` skill - `executive-coach` agent ## Key References - Whitmore, J. (1992/2017). *Coaching for Performance*. - Dweck, C. S. (2006). *Mindset*. - Bungay Stanier, M. (2016). *The Coaching Habit*. - Goldsmith, M. (2007). *What Got You Here Won't Get You There*.